A friend once asked me, “How’s your blog doing?” I replied with a slight hesitant chuckle, “Ahh, it’s going alright. It’s nonexistent right now. I’ve been busy and life just took over.” How I replied is partially true, life does at times take over and you just roll with it, but if you really enjoy doing something, usually you find a way to do it.
It’s been almost a couple years since I have actually written my last blog post and I’ll admit; I’ve gone through this process of starting and stopping a blog twice. But during my hiatus, I have learned that I still have this yearning to write and I enjoy sharing about my experiences and ideas, no matter how bizarre or crazy they can be. Within that two year short time span, I have had the opportunity to collaborate with other creative individuals in executing local fashion shows as well as modeling in variety of photoshoots. I ignited my once dormant love of performing and was involved in my first play production in a few years, which lit a spark under me to continue that passion in any way that I could, including taking an improv class and even drunkenly spewing about women in history on stage in front of drunk patrons at a bar apart of Des Moines’ Buzzed History. I traveled to New York City twice in one year, and I was reminded why it’s still my favorite city to visit. I also went to the West Coast and took a SoCal trip visiting Los Angeles and San Diego. I journeyed over to Las Vegas with a friend and experienced MAGIC for the first time, which is one of the largest tradeshows in the fashion industry. And I even trekked down to New Orleans with my family to celebrate my golden birthday during Mardi Gras.
Throughout these past two years along with these experiences, I have rekindled past friendships and have met so many additional people who have a made an impact in my life; some have even become close friends of mine. When you connect with someone and you build a friendship, you eventually gain mutual trust and respect towards each other. They open up to you; you open up about your life and ideas to them. In doing so, doors to opportunities happen that you didn’t expect. I have cherished those opportunities that I have taken because they have brought me here to who I am today. I used to think that I didn’t have a voice; or that my voice didn’t need to be heard because I’ve always felt different than my peers. I used to think why would anyone care to listen to a has-been former star athlete who once hated wearing dresses and now lives and breathes in them; or someone who prefers watching classic and indie films rather than superhero summer blockbusters; or even someone who has always loved life, then once upon a time loathed it and tried to commit suicide not once, but five different times.
Then I started realizing all of these characteristics are what makes me different and that I should embrace my individuality and be different because it’s alright to be. Because who wants to be like everyone else? I don’t. But we live in a society where we are still at times told how to look, live, act, or what roles to play, instead of deciding for ourselves who we are and being alright with who we are. We shouldn’t have to apologize for being ourselves even if we are labeled too weird, too ambitious, too sexy, too passionate, too something. It’s taken me some time to really feel at ease with who I am and to not really care what others thought of me. I still struggle with that at times, but I know the type of person I strive to be every day and the type of people I want to have in my life. In the end the only person’s opinion that matters is my own; and if I want to write and share about my experiences, I can without fearing judgement.
Now I’m not an expert writer, but I’ve always been drawn to writing as a hobby and as a therapeutic way to express myself creatively. When I was a young girl, I used to write plays and act them out in the living room, I used to journal every day about my experiences which turned into a travel journal when my family and I would go on vacations. Creative writing classes were among my favorite classes to take at school. Then at one point I just stopped as my life got busier with sports and other extracurricular activities; maybe it was the peer pressure that writing wasn’t what the athletes were doing in their spare time. But I’ve always considered myself more than an athlete. I’ve never wanted to be put in a box and labeled a certain type of person or group. I’ve always wanted to be involved in anything where I could express myself, whether it was athletically, creatively, or even spiritually. Even if I wasn’t good at it, I wanted to experience it and grow from it. In addition to sports – including soccer, basketball, track, and even bowling – I was involved in both choir and band; I even did mock trial, chess club, and cheerleading one year. If I had to label myself, I would consider myself more of a chameleon (hence part of the name of this blog) because I believe I have the ability to adapt to my surroundings and connect deeply to any activity or experience that is in front of me. One area of interest I wished I was able to be involved in was theater. I participated in my K-8 school productions, but I couldn’t audition for productions during high school because rehearsals and performances conflicted with my athletics, which at the time always came first and foremost, especially soccer. Since I wasn’t able to be partake in theater, I used other ways to express myself artistically, one being fashion.
Fashion in the concept of how I dress is one of the most important things I value in life. Not for superficial reasons, but because it’s a form of self-expression. It’s a means of showing the world who you are visually and how you want to represent yourself. For me, how I dress and what I choose to wear is a way to show my creativity and personality. Every day is always something new, it’s like I’m portraying a new character with every outfit I put together. I’ve always had an interesting sense of style. Growing up attending a Catholic school majority of my life wearing uniforms, you don’t have much freedom to really show your creativity since everyone tends to look the same and wear the same clothes. But I’ll admit, I was someone who pushed the boundaries, especially when I hit high school. In high school, at that time, girls had the option to wear any solid color shirt, but either had to be a polo, turtleneck, or crew neck sweater; along with either khaki or navy blue pants or skirts. Since I didn’t like to dress like anyone else wearing a basic polo and khaki pants, I spiced up my school outfit one day and wore an “appropriate length” khaki skirt (three inches or higher above the knee was considered inappropriate) with fishnet tights and black knee high leather boots. I remember getting numerous double takes from both teachers and students walking down the hallway, but frankly I didn’t care because I liked dressing differently and I had the confidence enough to pull it off. And a lesson I learned is confidence is all you need to look good, feel good, and you can achieve anything in life if you have it.
With that said, pushing the boundaries and living outside the box, regardless if its related to how you dress or how you live, is what I strive to inspire others to do. I love encouraging others to break out of their comfort zone, embrace their inner chameleon, and just try a new trend, or a new cocktail, or a new activity that provides a new experience or challenges you. That’s where this blog comes in. When I first starting writing Crazed Chameleon originally back in 2012, it was strictly a fashion blog. Then I realized I have so many interests that it’s hard not to write about them and how they inspire me. Yes, fashion is probably my biggest passion in life so I will write about it the most; but my inspiration in how I dress is fueled by my love of film and television, theater, architecture, music, dance, history, and traveling. I cannot write about fashion without discussing the others and vice versa. Everything correlates with each other, and hopefully you’ll find that out if you continue to read what I write.
Now, this isn’t going to be your typical “fashion/lifestyle blog” of just pretty pictures of outfits just to be pretty. Looking pretty doesn’t necessarily describe who I am as a person, and its not what my life is about. Instead, I like providing insight of why I chose something, where the inspiration comes from, and how it can work in someone’s lifestyle along with tips and tricks on what flatters different body types, how to dress for different occasions, I’ll even dabble with menswear; the list goes on and on. And don’t forget my other interests previously stated, they will be talked about and how I incorporate them with fashion. I’ll even be writing about my involvement in the local community around Des Moines and my travels, especially if there is a cocktail bar in sight. In addition to all the happy things that go on in “lifestyle blogs”, I will go down a darker path and take on the topics that people still have a hard time discussing out in the open, such as depression, anxiety, and suicide. As someone who was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety when I was 16; and have suffered from suicidal thoughts, I’m a major advocate in mitigating the stigma around this topic while raising awareness about mental illness and how we can help those in need. I’ve only recently been open about my encounters with depression to a select few people. Before I was afraid to be judged and labeled crazy, but I’m not afraid to hide behind it anymore because it’s apart of who I am; I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I didn’t have that experience. Going through depression has made me grow as a person. Now I embrace being “crazy” postitively because my lifestyle, my dreams, my ambitions are exactly that; and I like it that way. Now if you have any remote interest in diving into this wild and crazy mind of mine, I hope you will continue on this journey with me, read more about what I have to say, and embrace your inner Crazed Chameleon.
Khameleon Magazine 